Karma is blind, misery loves company

Maybe I messed up somewhere; maybe by toppling seniority I only dug my own grave. Ultimately it’s not about ‘when you ORD’ or ‘How long you’ve been here’. It’s about how well you can kiss up to your superiors. Because let’s face it, behind most a successful man is a highlight reel of embarrassing self-deprecating boot licking. I used to subscribe to the philosophy that as long as you were good to others they’d be good to you too. It just made sense, potato potahto, an eye for an eye.

But what’s the point of having morals in a dog-eat-dog world? If there’s one thing I learned, being nice to others doesn’t necessary mean they’ll reciprocate it. You open yourself to being exploited and people think it’s okay to throw their shit your way since you’re ‘nice’. You’ve relegated yourself to becoming their toilet and what’s that? Oh here comes the shit storm, brace your face.

When people are very good at nit picking every minute detail in which they can gain an advantage over you, you find yourself increasingly fed up with having shit thrown in your face all the time. This in no way makes them bad people, in fact they’re normal people because people don’t live for anyone but themselves. What is good and evil even when you’re just interacting with a bunch of psychopaths who want to manipulate you to meet their means. Anyway I digress, because the main point is that one man’s misery is another man’s delight. Simply put if I’m in camp suffering, some fucker can be out there having the time of his life.

Now take for example if I were to have some means to justify me having a good time outside; oh what’s that? There’s a mechanism for that used in white collar jobs? It’s called LEAVE?! ASTOUNDING! I can literally LEAVE my job alone for a while and take a break to spend some time with people I care about (rather than spend time rotting in a camp with people I abhor). Oh, but there must be a surplus in manpower for us to be able to use our leaves; and that’s only possible if the one planning where the manpower goes actually does his fucking job right.

My current predicament:

I applied for leave on this coming Saturday (as ridiculous as it sounds) and now my plan has been usurped by a shortage of manpower meaning that I either have to forgo my precious leave or compromise.

Compromise – expediently accept standards that are lower than is desirable.

In other words, a big fat middle finger to your leave/employment rights/you as a person.

Funnily enough when such a problem occurs everyone suddenly tries to one-up another.

Rat-Bastard A goes and prattles on about an urgent family event and how he is coming down with a cold. Piss-for-Brains B has an important family dinner to attend, and Diarrhea-Spawn C apparently ‘paid’ for the event he was scheduled to attend (unbelievable!). Meanwhile with the honest intentions of celebrating my friend’s 21st birthday, I’m somehow stuck in low priority.

I’ve forgone much more than A, B and C having been here working this god forsaken schedule since December last year. I would’ve always been missing at gatherings, working around my bizarre duty hours/times/days to try to enjoy myself; but what these guys are doing is purposely making plans on working days and forcing others to accommodate to their whims.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve done enough in the past to justify me not having to compromise. But then again, what relevance does the past hold now. No one gives a damn how much you suffered because in their own eyes, they’re the only victim. Few sympathize with others simply because you’ll never really understand someone enough to put yourself in their shoes entirely.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be nice. You pay more to be nice. You’re the one giving and never ever receiving anything back.

 

 

 

 

 

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Congratulations but not really

I gave up writing this post numerous times.

Mainly because I just felt it wasn’t worth it to pour these many words into describing the recent shitstorm I’ve been through; and also because it really puts me off to think about it. But I more or less steeled myself to type this upon receiving a little ‘farewell gift’ from the two ‘humans’ that were the main root of the problem.

I shall forever immortalize this person’s words as they’re a haunting reminder of said person’s hypocrisy and I guess the whole absurdity of the situation.

Here are the words of someone who received a top quality education from one of the top JCs in Singapore.

“Jealousy kills. Why can’t people leave things be and move on with life? Why must they make life difficult for others simply because they are living less better off than them? Are humans really such selfish self-centered people? Probably not all. Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.”

The remainder of this was crossed out by the author (I’m supposing)

“Learn to respect. I pity you, it’s so it must be so difficult to live your life, not being able to be happy, contented. (I?) Forgive and forget. May GOD bless you. I hope that you will change to be a better man. You may know a man but you don’t know his story. Suspend judgement. Sigh, how can u make the world a better place?”

“吃人。。。? In what way did we 吃人? We did more than we should. We helped out whenever you need help but all we received are hostility.”

What did I do to tick off this individual? I made him serve his NS like any normal guy in my unit should. I made him do duty; and from the looks of it he had a lot of free time actually, he even wrote 三字经 on the remainder of his letter.

Long story short, he’s been gone from work for a while (by that I mean quite a few months actually). While I’ve been doing nothing but work since last year. Under some unspoken agreement all the work was pushed to those below him while he sits at home playing DotA2 or doing charity work for some cause he supports.

Of course I don’t know this guy’s story; I’m not him, but here’s mine. He’s been missing for such a long time but claims that he still has off-in-lieus and leaves left to burn through until he ORDs. How bizarre! Wouldn’t it have all been used up given his appalling attendance rate? As Nov-Dec is a really popular time for the other ‘decent human beings’ in my unit to apply leave and offs, I pushed for priority to be given to those with actual leaves/offs. In doing so, I (un)knowingly summoned the wrath of this person (as well as the wrath of his pen!).

HOW DARE I, a mere person-in-the-same-capacity-as-aforementioned-person, drag him back to camp to do WORK which he has not even done in months?! THE ABSURDITY! I was definitely asking for it.

I’ll admit I was jealous. But who wouldn’t be. Here’s MY context; this guy started work 3 months before me, claims life was tough then. I start work and we’re pleasantly overstaffed so he takes it as his ‘god-sent, well-deserved, hard-earned miracle’ and moves into doing jobs like resting in his bunk, tending to miscellaneous jobs etc. A few months later, he’s just gone from camp totally. Poof!

But that’s no surprise at all  since it’s an established ‘tradition’ of sorts where one or two months before someone ORDs they clear leaves and offs in one go (or even if they don’t have enough) until their ORD. Problem was, these guys were doing it way too early.

It’s not that they couldn’t help out with the work at all, it’s just that they didn’t lay a single finger to help make life easier for the rest of the lot. We were operating at full capacity with one man to each job. Using their clever A-level enriched brains they could have thought of putting two men to harder jobs instead of one; but alas it never dawned upon them.

“Are humans really such selfish self-centered people? Probably not all.”

Probably not all, but you were definitely one. Just think about it, any time you weren’t in camp helping out we were just going through a hard time which could’ve been made easier if you connected enough synapses to think to make working hours shorter; but alas, human beings (like yourself) were really such selfish self-centered people. Boohoo.

Why must they make life difficult for others simply because they are living less better off than them?

This part really cracked me up because it’s as though this person has never really lived before. It’s not about making life difficult; that’s how you see it from your perspective, I was just in your own words ‘making the world a better place’ (for my juniors and I). So that these guys who actually worked their ass off can take leave/off rather than that excess in manpower being used by you slackers.

The following segment was the best though, in my opinion. Wow this well-educated bloke really just threw one right back at himself.

“Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.”

Basically, what HE did in the past was stay at home and slack off while we were made to work in his place. So effectively, those few times when we called him back to do work so that others could take leave/off (be it to slack off/for other reasons) it was really just giving him a taste of his own medicine. And to be fair (to myself, not him) we’ve been working for way longer than the time this guy’s even worked for.

Look, if you didn’t want to do work in place of others, you shouldn’t have made others work in place of you. You should’ve just worked WITH others rather than against them; you could’ve turned a 24H hell-shift into a 12H shift with breaks in between. BUT ALAS, this was beyond them as ‘humans’ or should I say ‘selfish, self-centered people’. (something about the nuance of selfish self-centered made me giggle a bit)

I’d love to go into the ad hominem he pulled on me.

Firstly, ‘learn to respect’ the guy that hasn’t been contributing to your work and made your lives harder in more aspects than one. Let’s just say that he was involved in an incident that added more unnecessary administrative paperwork to our jobs.

“I pity you”

Well fuck yeah, I pity myself too for having such useless seniors. In fact, doesn’t you pitying me prove that you’ve been doing something wrong this whole time?

it’s so it must be so difficult to live your life, not being able to be happy, contented. (I?) Forgive and forget. May GOD bless you. I hope that you will change to be a better man.

My life is difficult, made difficult because of idiots like you who just spew garbage and think way too highly of themselves. I must admit though, I experienced new levels of ‘being happy and contented’ when I managed to drag you and your friend back to work. Lastly, he sends God’s blessings to me and hopes that I change to be a better man.

Right back at ‘ya dickhead.

But rest assured, I’m still within salvation so God’s blessing can(?) change me to be a better man; for you I’m not too sure… Honestly when you said ‘you forgive and forget’ I find that hard to believe since you obviously poured half your heart out into writing such a halfhearted diss-letter. Maybe that halfheartedness is wherein the ‘forgiveness’ lies.

“You may know a man but you don’t know his story. Suspend judgement. Sigh, how can u make the world a better place?”

What a way to end this ad hominem; with questioning how I can make the world a better place! That aside, what’s with the generic “you may know a man but you don’t know his penis size” quote? Of course I wouldn’t know your story. The next part really got me tho;

SUSPEND JUDGEMENT. 

Please look at ALL that you’ve written ABOVE. In the sentences leading up to THIS SENTENCE, you have done nothing but judge ME; calling me out for being jealous of you, being selfish and disrespectful. I don’t know what suspend judgement means to you, but you really can’t be in that much denial right?

Before you sit your ass down on a pedestal to gaze down on me, please take a look at yourself. You’re just a hypocrite. The things you preach and the things you’ve done don’t add up;if anything they all ring hollow because they’re opposites. I don’t know what man you are but you damn well know your story. Stop living in denial that you had a good run during your National Service and made meaningful connections; you burnt a huge bridge and still chose to talk shit about it.

Lastly that part about “We did more than we should. We helped out whenever you need help but all we received are hostility.” that’s just your wishful thinking, and your poor grammar. What more did you do? Could the amount of work you did in the past before you transcended even compare to that of us who’ve been working non-stop since day 1?

The line ‘We helped out whenever you need help’ is the real deal-breaker for this sentence though. Would you like a medal for being a good person and helping out when asked to? I mean you who insists that not everyone is selfish and self-centered, you who forgive and forget. When we needed help, you were given ORDERs to help, so don’t make it sound like one of your charity donation drives and that we should be grateful that you help out. You’re supposed to do it, you know, as one of your so-called ‘humans’. Oh and don’t flatter yourself with ‘hostility’; it’s nothing that complex. Anyway, here’s to you becoming a better man (or woman for that matter).

That was really good to get off my chest. 20161220_011953[1].jpg

Comparisons

IF the premise of having the same ‘job’ as someone is met, you would often draw comparisons between you and your colleagues. Is it then reasonable to assume that having the same ‘job’ means being able to do exactly what another person with your same ‘job’ can do? (hold on to this point)

Here’s a brain teaser. Given that a certain organization needs x number of people to fill in x number of jobs, when faced with a excess manpower what should then be the fate of these excess workers? For more efficiency, these excess workers can swap out some part of the x number of workers, allowing them to rest and recharge. But of course, organisational hierarchies and whatnot dictate that seniority actually stands for something; effectively resulting in the excess unused manpower comprising a senior bunch of workers who have supposedly more influence over the fate of their other less-equal colleagues.

While this might draw some comparisons to communism, I do think it’s important to settle certain ‘entitlement’ issues. For the aforementioned ‘senior workers’, their time is limited but to reach where they currently are, they too went through the same process that their juniors are currently going through. Furthermore, said organization gets rid of its workers after 2 years of employing them and for every batch of workers that leaves, there is a new batch to replace them.

Now that I’ve more or less hedged enough about the specifics of what I’m trying to depict without explicitly mentioning what it exactly is, I have one thing to say, and this comes from experience.

I feel that going through the journey from junior to senior made me grind my teeth really hard and understand what it means to hate someone’s guts. It pushed my definitions of equality especially since within my own  colleagues there were marked differences in the way others were treated. I wouldn’t know whether to attribute it to certain factors which would depict another person in an unfavorable light, but for what it’s worth; I choose not to understand something that I can only make baseless assumptions on. because I personally did not pursue the truth myself. Always comparing between “Why is he getting it better than me” etc made me a green-eyed monster as easily content as I would get discontent.

Who knew the comparison could only get worse when I became part of the elite ‘senior worker’ group. Comparing ‘entitlements’ and arguing over why a certain person just had that added edge over someone else even though according to a certain philosophy, we’re all meant to be entitled to the same things.

It annoyed me a bit at first when I realized I was getting the short end of the stick, but anyway I felt content with the ‘little things’ in life and decided not to pursue. But I guess if you show weakness, people will just learn to exploit you; and honestly these weren’t exactly a bunch of people I would really just willingly get exploited by. Okay, the term exploit seems quite extreme but honestly, if you’re telling me that you can have the luxury of scheduling your own driving lessons because you know full-well that I’m there covering your backside and your duties, that’s a bit … much…

Back to the part on ‘exploiting’; I think it’s only natural to want something in return. For these group of ‘senior workers’ I’m with they take pride in a sort of rotation system where each person takes turns to ‘take one for the team’. After ‘taking one for the team’ said person then goes to the back of the queue for ‘taking one for the team’. Only problem being that I’ve been taking many a time two for the team, non-stop because none of them want to cover my backside/duties for me (mostly because it’s the most tiring and also because they can’t be fucked about giving a damn about me).

But you’ll see this nice close knit circle of guys who will coordinate themselves such that they get things done with as few people as possible so that the rest can ‘rest’, then there’s me who always has to get a specific thing done all the time because nobody else wants to do it. What’s up with that? I don’t really know. Why am I so particular about this specific thing? Because it’s akin to a ticking time-bomb.

The responsibilities I hold at my ‘specific thing’ are enormous, but no one has ever done it right. Everyone just regressed towards a simplified way that fulfilled the administrative needs but disregarded many lengthier procedures. The clampdown is starting though, and I’m the one being most affected because I have been partially exposed to have been ‘not doing it the right way’. The people who exposed me believe me to be the ‘only fucked-up guy who does things in such a slipshod way’, when in fact behind all the smoke and mirrors is a whole shit-train of predecessors who have never once done things the right way. But to expose everyone would just make me public enemy no. 1, so what can I do? Keep quiet, live with the tarnished reputation?

I just feel a bit wronged yet silenced at the same time about it. Having to blame things on being ‘suay’ or unlucky really just makes me more upset about the whole thing. Oh yeah, just my luck to have caught the ticking time-bomb coated in superglue, IF ONLY someone could get it off me. ANYONE PLEASE? And then my so-called ‘colleagues’ just turn their backs and get to the safety radius away from the explosion. I guess this is why I subconsciously joke about being ‘just colleagues’ with this bunch. We do things in such a way as to not burden each other because we don’t want to be burdened by each other. And should we burden one another, we would desperately avoid being the one getting burdened. In essence, leave that mofo to die on his own. Survival of the fittest bieatch.

Well what were you expecting from a bunch of 20 year olds randomly grouped together through ‘fate’ and the law.

Taking the rap, but I’m not a rapper

I have learnt many important things from “2 Years a Slave” by “Anonymous 19 Year Old Bald-Head”. Mainly these have to do with the sequel to “2 Years a Slave”, “Working in the Real World” by “Disgruntled Employee”. Jokes aside though, I have learnt how to take the rap for shit I never did/was beyond my control/isn’t even part of my job.

Being in the middle sucks, in most cases; unless you’re talking about hamburgers. The middle is probably most of what you paid for.

When both the people below you and the people above you can

  1. F_ _ _ you
  2. Not get f_ _ _ed by you
  3. Cause you to get f_ _ _ed
  4. Create problems for you to solve
  5. Make their problems your problem for you to solve for them
  6. Make your life miserable
  7. Get better welfare than you

Then that’s when you know, you’ve stumbled into some reaaal bad shit. (p.s the word is definitely “fondle”)

Recently I’ve been taking the rap for mostly none of my business. Mostly because, the people above need a figurehead to blame because they’re flawless omnipotent gods. The people below like to keep things to themselves. Usually I’d be okay with this; if it didn’t happen so often. I get the need for the people above me to show that they’re better, they know my mistakes, but sometimes I’m not the one at fault. OF course I won’t try to absolve myself from the whole situation, but come on, I’m just a frigging middle man.

Someone complained to their superior who decided to take it out on me; proposing changes to some age-old system and all I could tell him was that I’m not high up enough the chain of command to make such decisions.

I’m to blame as well for not standing up for myself enough, instead taking the invisible stick up my anus, or in nicer words taking the rap despite not being a rapper.

2 Years a Slave also taught me that, haters gonna hate, bitches gonna bitch but most importantly, when you work with sacks of shit, you can expect nothing BUT shit.

It’s something described as being in a state of perpetual fuckery; hierarchical limbo.

 

Seniority or Senility?

You should know your place based on how long you’ve been working for.

You’re all fucked up because you didn’t go through the same shit we went through.

I’ve been through more shit than you so that gives me the right to decide how much shit you will go through now.

It’s just a rite of passage, everyone else has done this before.

Some things need to be earned with time, not given automatically.

^ Basically the thoughts that have been running through my head when ever faced with the problems of seniority.

Respect isn’t given it’s earned, and many other cliches have confronted me, but I think the critical point of my problem which I won’t really bother explaining explicitly is just that you shouldn’t really bite the hand that is freeing up your hands.

Transitions take time, time takes time; no shit, but more importantly it’s about coincidence. We just happened to pass through a laxer training phase, which left us anything but prepared to takeover our seniors. As much as we try to hide behind reasons like “I don’t know” or “We weren’t prepared enough…” if we didn’t try to rectify/clarify our rectums doubts when the o(a)nus was on us to do so, then we pretty much just fail as thinking individuals. We don’t know what we don’t know, no shit Sherlock.

But that’s not really the problem. We’re new, of course we’ll fuck up all over the place especially when there’s a disturbing lack of guidance. Our seniors have just unloaded a F-tonne of responsibilities/skills/work practices to us and left us with little to no time to pick up our bits and pieces. When we fuck up, it’s because we’re fucked up; the only thing we can fall back on is on peoples’ leniency, at least for now.

I mean go on and harp on and on about the past and how bad it was back then and how good we have it now. Go ahead, you deserve to, because you went through that disastrous past which left you scarred, mentally and physically. But don’t just focus on us; just take a good look on yourselves. If you think that what YOU’re enjoying now is some heaven-sent karmic retribution, then by all means do so. If 2 months extra of suffering/torture really equates to what you can enjoy as of current then please, do so; whatever that will help heal your psychological trauma.

Currently we’re so overstaffed that some people don’t even need to show up for work. The longer you stay here the more entitlements you have; kind of like a loyalty scheme. But who am I to criticize this system of seniority, I’m just a friggin greenhorn, I would never be able to understand the complexity and depth of this XJLJ system.

I mean, it’s definitely because when you enlist is decided by you and not some external forces beyond your comprehension.

You’re definitely entitled to privileges because you popped out into this big big world at an earlier date than us, and thus started to serve earlier than us and got to where you are right now, earlier than us.

But, do I owe you a living because you _ _ D earlier than me?

Didn’t think so…


 

 

Thoughts aside, today’s marks CHU YI! which I spent alone because my family decided to ditch me cuz I’m on duty and save money by not giving out angpaos and going to Myanmar for a quick getaway! LUCKY ME!

Scrolling through instagram was a bit heart-wrenching as I was reminded of the reunion dinner I was fated not to have; partially due to last minute decisions by divine forces beyond my control and my mortal obligations that I must comply to. In less pretentious and grandiose terms: If my work cycle followed the usual days/timings, I could’ve had an early reunion dinner with my family but then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked and forced me to miss spending time with family.

One thing that struck me really hard though was the whole idea of it being a Chinese New Year, and what it actually meant to be Chinese; because some random instagram post triggered me. To summarize it would be somewhere along the lines of “OMG I’m not COMPLETELY CHINESE BUT I STILL CELEBRATE CNY YO”. The very fact that I’m not writing this in Mandarin, does this diminish my identity as a Chinese? To a certain extent I think being Chinese is deeply rooted in actually being able to speak Mandarin while not sounding like a banana. BUT! As much as your race and language tie in nicely with each other, I also do feel however that you should go all out in whatever you’re doing and not try to be someone you’re not. If you suck at Mandarin then you can just suck at it for the rest of your life; because you probably suck at it because you want to suck at it anyway. So if you can only speak Mandarin while sounding like you have a radish up your anus, carrots up your nose or just being hopeless at pronouncing words/enunciating them, then you should go all out and disgust everyone with how poor your mastery over your OWN mother tongue is, because at least that would put a smile on people’s faces.

Intended: gong xi fa cai

Projected: kung seee farrr chyeee

Jokes and albeit slightly racial matter aside, Happy Chinese New Year. (alone…)

 

Please don’t say “I didn’t know” if you value your intellect.

What is working when you’re actually dying slowly on the inside? 24-hour shifts are a sort of poison that eats into your soul, your sleep and more importantly your life. The glittering generality of protecting what you treasure crumbles to shit when you realize your actual human value. We were made evolved to wake up at dawn and sleep by nightfall, with our brain and body setting up sleep cycles, circadian rhythms for regulated and timely sleep. Crossover to shi(f)t-work and you’re always running on a deficit of sleep. Look, you’re not going to protect jack shit when you’re half-awake.

Morale is constantly stuck in some limbo, we try to make the best out of our unfortunate circumstances and bleak future. We have learned to metaphorically bear smiles over our shit-smeared faces. When people ask about how I’m finding my time so far, it’s akin to asking “How was your shit today?” To which the answer is usually “It naaaasty” or something along the lines of “Oh man, I don’t know man, my shit today was well… pretty shitty”.

Of course don’t take my word for it PLEASE DON’T, I beseech you NOT to take any of this WITHOUT a pinch of salt because with all the hyperboles I’m dishing out there’s bound to be some exaggeration in the words I say; and moreover I’m avoiding mentioning exactly what it is I am referring to; hedging some information here and there, but I guess an educated few could guess. But tis more or less the truth or the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

It is through these circumstances though that I have learned a lot about what it is to be working; coupled with one too many lessons in office politics.

LESSON 1: How to cover your ass/ How to make it someone else’s fault/ Abjection from responsibility

Firstly I just would like to say that “I didn’t know” is probably a good response; if you would like to demonstrate how brain-dead and how much cognitive ability you’re actually lacking as a human being. If you ever use this excuse you should get your species/biology checked; you might have devolved somewhere along your life, you may have been a victim of atavism.

I used to buy that as an excuse -but “I didn’t know” better because that was back when I was naive and didn’t really have to worry about responsibilities. Fast forward to a couple of months and I can hear this shit thrown at me. Of course I receive the full brunt of someone’s verbal diarrhoea thrown in a bag that explodes and smears my face uniformly in faecal matter.

Once bitten twice shy. Twice bitten go and die. Thrice bitten … there won’t be a thrice bitten.

Case study and point: Some asshole who’s clueless about some procedures/practices to go through when handing over his duties to me fucks it up and when brought to light and questioned as to why/how it happened he just takes a leave of absence from the responsibility he bears and says

“I didn’t know…”

Bitch had me flaring up internally but of course I wouldn’t let that happen externally. Don’t know then ask, because you don’t know what you don’t know. Of course I play the good guy and be all like

“Yeah it’s my fault that he didn’t know, of course yeah yeah yeah my fault, mmmmmmmm”

What I didn’t say:

“My fault this hijo de puta was too brain-dead to ask me how to do this even though I was right there waiting for him (cue Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting)”

Luckily, as we’re all in positions of responsibility, no superior buys that shit as an excuse and of course it’s not also my fault but in just a few short exchanges with this lil’ bitch I’ve come to realize what kind of an ass he is. A diseased one with cellulites that makes you want to oil it with gasoline and set it ablaze.

To be continued in the next portion:

LESSON 2: How to stage professional Wayang Kulit in your everyday work

So as you can tell I don’t really like this person who I’ve had exchanges with, and thankfully I don’t have to see his face everyday but even over Whatsapp he’s a bitch; and I’m equally one because I have to bitch about him through writing. One day chat asks for two volunteers for “something we don’t know about/never done before” so said person volunteers by saying “Idm but what is it”. Explanation is given and in our alternate chat without our seniors/superiors he says “sounds boring, someone else do it leh”. In the end the ‘nice guy’ of our group ends up tanking his ‘idm what is it’.

Of course there are a shitton of things I’ve learned from working but I feel as though remembering each tiny painful detail is more or less a trip down memory trauma lane. I also feel as though it’s getting a bit out of hand…

Final lesson for now was how cheap talk is. I guess that’s how people actually lead others, through cheap talk. We never notice how much meaning words bear until we go through shit. On one hand we could marvel at how inspirational addresses delivered at the right point in time can boost morale and get shit done. But when you’re going through shit, everything just rings hollow; and I’m not just saying that when we’re suffering we don’t take things in well. Take it from me,

If someone told you that you’re very valuable to them, yet you see the disparity between how they live and how you live, where the budgets flow to (not you of course). If you sat in your run-down rest-area and thought for just a split-second, would you even believe that rubbish? I mean, if you treat the ones you value like shit then I would understand, but is it not human for people to at least treasure those that are valuable to them; but well what would I know I’m just an ignorant slave.

Long story short, the infrastructure, our work cycles and everything speak volumes of just how ‘valuable’ we are. Perhaps our value is in how expendable we are?




DISASTER!

Openly discussing classified matters

It’s been too long since I last punched keys that weren’t QWER, D, F  or mousing over creeps and minions trying to get the last hit in a certain popular MOBA. That being said, it’s also not been a great 2015 nor a bad one; buffeted by the winds of change and this sense of maturing into a ‘young man’. A long time ago in a 2015 not so far away, I began my national service and while I’m not too keen on posting anything more about it, I’m more than willing to reflect on the lessons I’ve learnt from my time defending the country.

They’re not lessons on top secret information but rather about living, breathing people and more importantly, growing up. More often than not seen as a ‘rite of passage’ into adulthood, NS certainly does a good job in throwing you into a diverse mix of people from varying backgrounds and forcing you to get along or risk getting dragged along. But enough about this moral obligation to defend Singapore because I don’t have all day to write a blog post glorifying our need for national conscription; after all my weekends are short and limited. I’ve learned about better time management, how to splurge and how to save; what different kinds of assholes there are when it comes to skiving or playing punk. Bottom line is that most of these lessons might come harder in real working life/uni life rather than now. At the end of the day, it’s still a controlled environment for you to learn how to live, and to learn how to learn.

Did I have a good 2015? Probably not as great as those starting school, going to exotic places and enjoying living, but all those are subjective and even to a certain extent superficial. There’s a line between being a jealous prick and just someone who’s easily content and well I’d just be grateful that I was able to meet a really great bunch of people and share some memorable experiences.